You can't take the teacher out of the Spode

But sometimes I wish you could.

Spode is home on "holidays" but she's in full teacher mode. Is it the fact that she just went to an employment conference? Possibly. Whatever the reason, she is not taking any nonsense from me. The first two days were all fun and games, but today we worked entirely on manners and respect. She told me to expect more of the same when she kissed me goodnight. Did I need a brush up? Sure, probably, but I just want to have fun! And eat Spode. And climb into her lap. And drag her to the hay. And trot faster. You know, just normal 4 year old horse stuff.

What's a guy got to do around here to get a carrot?

Sometimes, a teenager has just got to write that essay on Shakespeare. Sometimes, a horse has just got to stand still when told. Today was a formative assessment day, luckily for me. The summative will occur at the end of her holidays. Some holiday.

This is far too much work!

But you know I like to complain, old sports. In truth, life isn't bad. I still run to Spode and can't wait to do stuff with her, even if it is just ground manners work. We had a lovely trail ride in the woods. It's taking some getting used to, but we're having fun. It's not easy judging the ground and the woods while wearing a blindfold on one eye and a goggle on the other eye. I've gone from liking to be the lead horse to being the tail end. I don't like having someone behind me--too much stuff to keep my one eye on. That's something we'll have to work on as well, but it'll take time.

Look both ways before crashing into trees! Luckily that dorsal stripe up ahead keeps me in line. 

The weird spots in my eyes continue to pop up, though they've slowed down considerably since being on maxidex again. Ah, drugs. How excellent they are...

Sorry for the terribly short blog. There will me more adventures this holiday, promise. Spode finished a big chunk of her homework today, so I'm expecting more from her in the next few days after she sorts out some employment stuff. The girl's gotta do work so I can eat. I get that. By all means, Spode, work on that resume and website. In the meantime, I'll be over here, eating hay so I fit into this size 90 blanket even less...

Mmm, so good!

These blankets just weren't made for Clydesdale sized bellies. It's not my fault. 

Really, I can be quite distracting for poor Spode. I bleed into her life in every way imaginable. Did you hear about her birthday? I sure did. So will everyone else as they see her driving next year (well, whenever she gets employed, that is!)

They match the personalized saddle pad that Spode got me!

Luckily she loves me. And what's not to love? Bad baby behaviours and all.

Until later, old sports.

Jay.

What I'm Thankful For: Finding the Bright Side of Intermittent Blindness

Hello, old sports!

The sun is bright, the grass is green, and Spode is here. Life is good!

It's been a while since one of my more serious blog posts, hasn't it? The downside of Spode being at school--I have lots more time for reflecting, but less time to write it down.

Spode's home again this weekend and we had a nice long spell together. 5 day weekends are the best, and I'm thankful for it! But you know, it's really easy to be thankful for the good things in life. I'm thankful for treats, Spode, brushing sessions, and green grass every day. But I've been thinking that perhaps Thanksgiving should be the time when you give thanks for the aspects of your life that aren't so obviously good. And when you look at me, you know immediately what that aspect is, right?

Go on, I'll give you one guess.

When Spode and I first met when I was just a 2 year old, my eyes were fine. We spent the initial 6 months of our partnership as any other horse and girl would. There were trials, errors, and successes. There were forward steps and backwards steps. There was a transition time from Zoodles to me, as there would be with any new horse.

Then December came, and so did my initial bout of Uveitis. Suddenly I was a horse with special needs. A horse with a problem. And Spode was an owner with a burden.
There was pain and affected vision, but you know what else I got? A whole lot of love that I wouldn't have gotten so fast if it weren't for this auto-immune disease of mine. The time for transitioning and building trust slowly over months was over. I needed Spode now. And Spode, who had needed me from the start, finally got the whole me.

Love you to the moon and back.

What's your obsession with my nose, kiddo? 

That might seem backward. The time of trials and tests should be during the disease and not when I'm healthy, right? But Spode is a little funny. I think a part of her needed a horse who needed her. I think she needed to feel that she had a job to do for me, and that job would require a whole lot of her: a lot of love, a lot of money (sorry about that) and a lot of hurt. And that's a good thing. It's not that she wouldn't have loved me in the same way if I weren't a horse with a disability (horse first language please!), it's just that it would have taken longer for this relationship to happen. There was no time for wondering if I was going to be anything like Zoo was, no time for questioning if we were really the right fit for each other in terms of our personalities. No--uveitis is fast and detrimental. She needed to decide those things right away and has had to keep deciding with every new problem that arises (oh yes, believe me, there's quite the list after 2 years). How far are you willing to go for this new friend of 6 months? How much stress, sadness, and anxiety are you willing to accept in exchange for having me around? Does your answer depend on your relationship? On the length of time you've called me your friend? Maybe. I think for Spode it does.

Or maybe it depends on how much I make you laugh, Spode

So she made the decision then. The New Year started, and that was it. Any lengths. It was all or nothing for Spode. It has to be that way. Either you end the pain, or you do everything you can to ease it. Going halfway doesn't work. As soon as she started treating my eyes and looking into surgical options, our dynamic completely changed. I increasingly relied on her, and she gave her whole self in return. It was give and take though, because I gave back by trusting her and bonding with her. That's not to say our relationship is perfect and never tested. It's not, but there's something there that seems to underly every interaction now. We bounce back faster after our trials and tests. Today was a bit of a rough day, in fact, but we're both learning from each other constantly. As a teacher, I know Spode is thankful for all learning moments. It's always a teachable moment!

Having this disease and requiring those constant decision meant that Spode could move past some of her grief, because I needed her to stop holding back on me now that I was sick. Not that she was holding back on purpose, but if you're not completely needed, I don't think you necessarily put your whole heart into someone. Why would you--you don't know if it's worth the risk yet. It's a risk because there's always pain, and it means you're allowing yourself to grieve once more in a new way. Think about that, old sports. You hold back from someone new because you know exactly how painful it is to lose the person you care for. It takes a lot to put yourself at risk of going through that same process again. It's different with an animal as well, because we have shorter life spans than humans do. Pain is a certainty with us, not just a possibility. How do you lessen the pain? By not giving everything. If you hold back, that piece of you won't feel the impact of the pain. If you throw yourself into it, all of you is going to get hurt in the end.

That's pretty big, huh? It's why it takes so long to fall completely in love, usually. But if you have a disease like mine, everything goes into fast forward. And I've been lucky. I have been relatively pain free lately thanks to my eye implants. The progression of my disease changed substantially as a result. But all those little decisions along the way meant Spode had to reaffirm that she was 100% behind me. I'm thankful for my disease for doing that. For making her fall in love even more.

I'm thankful for my disease because I have a bond with Spode that means she can be gone for 2 weeks, hop on me with one eye blind and the other getting worse, and we can just go. That being said, it's trickier without her here all the time. Today's ride certainly reflected that. I am not as trusting of her as I was when she was around consistently, but it's all part of the same process and it's making us better. You need some tests to improve and refocus on the important parts. We both need remaining of what matters the most, sometimes.

It's not about the dressage all the time. It's about the journey you take and the partnership you build to get there. 

Holy moly, when did we grow up so fast? I'm looking pretty stocky here! Maybe I need to go on a weight loss regime...

We'll work on that later. For now I need to eat all these apples before the frost comes!!

I'm thankful for my disease for making Spode more aware of herself and how she interacts with me. I have not had the easiest of lives despite my young age. But I've got a friend for life because of it, special needs and all. I'm sure I've made her a better teacher because of it. Still, I doubt she'll be bringing that up in any teaching interviews... Just imagine! Even without explicitly talking about it though, we've both changed because of my eye issues, and more and more I'm "seeing" that it's a change for the better in every way. I never thought I'd be thankful for my inability to see clearly or my intermittent left eye sight. But I really am, in a way. We both are.

Love is blindness, indeed. And yes, I'm thankful for all those sympathy treats and hugs I get too! What, you didn't think was going to be entirely profound and thoughtful, did you? Give me a break--I am a horse, after all! Now leave me alone--I wasted precious grazing time by writing all that. Spode's back again next weekend. I need to build up my energy!

Until later, Old Sports.

Jay. 

The Return of the Spode!

Man oh man, send Spode to school for 2 weeks and she wants to spend 24 hours with you when she comes back. Holy moly, I'm worn out already!

In all seriousness, it was lovely to see her again. 2 weeks with no Spode was rather dull for me. Sure, the first week of holidays was nice, but then I got bored and started getting jealous of my pasture pals when their owners came out. B-O-R-E-D. Luckily Spode's mum came out to take care of me and say hi, otherwise I would have been beside myself.

Over the past 2 weeks I've eaten lots, flaked out in the sun, and watched youtube videos of dressage horses. I imagine Spode does the same at school. I'm not really sure, to be honest. There must be a little bit of school work thrown in there too I suppose. I should ask her.

Anyway, I was mighty happy to hear her calling my name yesterday. I almost thought I was imagining it at first, but once I understood I came running! Alas, my leg was actually a little sore that day. I knocked myself and had some swelling on the inside of my leg, so Spode said no riding. Aww. Even though I wasn't lame (as she could see by the fact that I ran to her) she still wouldn't get on. She spent most of her time dressing me up in her new gear she bought me:

We are not amused. Must I remind you that I am not a barbie horse?

I don't remember why I like you so much. 

The blanket was a little snug, leading to much chastising from Spode about my weight. Ugh, yeah, she's not very nice to me sometimes.

She did let me outside in the sand ring to give me the option to run if I wanted, and run I did.

I'm trying out reining for a new sport. 

Turns out it's harder than it looks to stop that fast. Oops! 

Of course, that only lasted a few minutes. Mostly I wanted 3 things (as I always do). One, I want to eat.

This is the tastiest grass ever. I hear you're a vegan, Spode. Want to join me? 

Try it, you'll love it.

Two, looking dashing and dapper to make Spode feel warm and cuddly on the inside:

Add caption

And 3, hanging out with my bestie:

Have you noticed we become more and more alike the more time we spend together? We even make the same faces in our selfies. 

Literally every single selfie we took, we are pulling the same face. Maybe it's just Spode's new hairdo, but it's uncanny!

We did so much goofing off yesterday. We both got down in the sand for a good laugh. Luckily I have an owner with a sense of humour.

This is my impression of tweaking. Pretty damn good, right? This was just for Spode. She needs to keep on top of all those teen trends. 

Now I'm like one of her students when she starts talking about literary theory. Come ON Spode! So boring! (Just kidding, Spode! Don't be mad!)  

Excuse me, you're disturbing my rest. Leave me be, I don't want to get up now. 

Alas, it's not al fun and games. My eyes continue to be the bane of my existence. The latest is that I have not only cataracts, but protein deposits in my eyes as well and it's making my vision blurry. My retinas are not so healthy anymore. Surprise, surprise. I detest uveitis. I really do. But Spode's patient, I'm patient, we're getting through this together with the help of Mrs. BestVetintheUniverse. 

Not good, my friends, not good. 

But let's not get dragged down by my eyes. There's been too much of that in my life so far. Let's be as optimistic as Fitzgerald's Gatsby. I've got my Daisy--what more is there to life?

Spode needed some quality time with me the past 2 days. Something on her mind, but I've managed to bring her out of her funk in 2 seconds flat. Shove my face in her face, and job done. Easy peasy!

Today was even easier because my leg was no longer swollen, which means riding! Spode and I had a a lovely easy ride. But first she dressed me up again. Because if there's something green, Spode's gotta have it. The green light is EVERYWHERE, I tell you! Sorry, Spode's future students, she is going to bring it up every chance she gets.

I can see the green light, I can see it in your eyes. Yes, yes. Florence and the Machine are great, I agree. Can you just get on me already?

We didn't go out for very long because I'm out of shape and Spode's too paranoid to push me even a little bit more than she's comfortable with. Not that I mind. I'm a bit lazy, old sports.

Spode was a bit too distracted by my bright green eyes to work me very hard anyway. The benefits of having a rider with ADD. 

And that's how we've spent our 2 days! 2 more days of riding and treats to go. Oh my goodness, you should see the apples she brought me. They're too die for--so juicy. I love the fall.

Although Spode has spent way too much time with me in the 2 days she's been here, I'm not really complaining. In fact, I was most upset to see her go today. She let me out, put my halter on the hook, and I showed her what I thought. 

Um, actually, can we pretend you just got here and go again? Starting with the treats?

Look, I bet I can put this on myself if I really try. 

Please!

I'm not tired, I swear. Let's go again!

Guess I have to wait till tomorrow though. At least I got to use Spode's computer today to update you all, old sports. I'm failing at being such a tech savvy horse! I spend too much time eating and not enough time writing. Spode will be disappointed that I'm not exercising my literacy if I'm not careful. Don't want to get Ms. Wolff angry now (nah, I've heard that's not really possible according to her students!).

Until later, old sports.

Jay. 

You really think you're in control? Well, I think you're crazy

As I approach 1400 lbs, I think Spode needs a small reminder of who's really in control of this partnership. I gave her one yesterday when we went to our third dressage show of the season. But we'll get to that in a moment. First we need to back up a bit since it's been quite a long time since I've blogged (my apologies, old sports).

I've been busy!

So first an update on these damn eyes of mine. They suck. My vision went away in my left eye again 3 weeks after I regained it--a sure sign that the vet was correct in diagnosing me with insidious uveitis. My eyes are following the same pattern that they were prior to my eye surgery. Thankfully it wasn't as long or as severe as last time, so my meds are definitely helping. Hooray for aspirin and echinacea. Unfortunately Spode's anxiety is increasing because both cataracts look worse as well. You can now see my right cataract with just a flashlight, no ophthalmologist necessary.

My hooves tell a tale of bouts of sickness. Thankfully not as bad as my first uveitis. 

I admit I've started to become marginally spooky in the right as well. I try hard though, and Spode says that's what counts. She blindfolded me completely last week to assess my reaction. It was a weird experience for me, but I quickly figured out how to tell when I was coming close to the wall based on where the track was. Spode said I was smart. I told Spode I had to be to put up with her as an owner. The things I do for this girl, honestly...

I will even wear flowers for her!

Life has been much the same. My pastern is healing very, very slowly but is definitely improving. My mud fever is taking FOREVER. So annoying. Sometimes I hate my Clyde genetics. I'm tired of having my pasterns scrubbed. It had better be gone by the time Spode goes back to school, which is sadly going to happen quite soon. Only 19 days of constant Spode left, and then I'm back on "holiday". Apparently we're going to be focusing a lot on my canter for the next 2 weeks, as Spode just realized that if she really wants to accomplish her goal of competing at training level next year, I'd better actually learn to canter in a circle and not just in straight lines. My stifle is still locking occasionally so we won't be circling a lot. That being said, I've improved since getting my toes shortened so maybe I'll keep getting better. Life never seems to be simple for me!

Anyway, let's talk about the show! This show was different because I went with a buddy from my barn. He's more experienced and older than I am, so he was doing a different level of competition, which meant our show times were very far apart. I was not supposed to be showing until 3:45, but we left the barn at 8 am. It was a loooooong day! Spode and I were quite bored.

I made a friend with my reflection in the trailer window. I was that bored. 

There was also a horse being schooled in next door's ring, so that provided about an hour of entertainment. 

The fact that I went with a friend caused a few hiccups in our day. I was not too upset the first time my friend left me behind to be ridden. The second time I whinnied for him a bit more. The third time even more, and the fourth time he left, I kind of lost my mind. Yes. I lost it. I started rearing much to Spode's dismay. Spode decided to lunge me before I became unmanageable. She clipped it on to my halter and I exploded. I bucked, reared, tried to spin and run away at a gallop, and was whinnying the entire time. Spode was frantically trying to use all her muscles and weight to stop me from escaping and dragging the lunge line (and her) behind me. Spode now wishes she had a video, but imagine this but with bucking, rearing, and bolting--and marginally less skiing: https://m.facebook.com/groups/435605529849669?view=permalink&id=696104173799802

She managed to stop me and get a chain on me (much to my dismay) and that meant Spode was slightly less worried about being dragged all the way back to Carleton Place. This song suits. Once I threw my little temper tantrum, I went back to being a calm show horse in the making quietly eating my hay and resting a leg. Just needed to get it out of my system. I don't think Spode has seen me rear that high in quite some time. Although I hack out alone and ride alone almost all of the time, I got quite attached to Shiraz knowing that he was somewhere on the show grounds out of sight. Spode just sort of let me do my thing and didn't make too much of a fuss about my behaviour. I think that people looked at us as "one of those" horse and rider combos after though. The crazy ones. There were certainly admonishments heard from our neighbours at the show (as soon as the galloping started, we had an audience of course), but Spode ignored it. Sometimes a 4 year old just needs to throw a tantrum, am I right?

Nothing to see here, old sports. 

Eventually it got to be my turn to strut myself, and I made up for my earlier behaviour by being completely focused on Spode and went as well as I do at home. I was bending properly, seeking the bit the majority of the time, and only spooked twice when I saw something in the right. I had my left blindfold on which helped with the spooking.

I was an absolute saint in my first test, earning us a score of 70.9%--Spode says that was well deserved. I made her pretty happy! By the time we got to the second test my brain was starting to turn off so I wasn't quite as focused on Spode, but I still did very well. 66.7%.

I wasn't as soft the second test, but the judge still said that Spode and I were a lovely pair, which is the kind of comment that pleases Spode more than anything. The judge also commented on how well presented we were, which makes Spode a happy camper too since she fusses about how I look so much. God forbid I have a manure stain anywhere on my body. And a green spot on my stocking? Well the world might as well be ending! She's very silly.

Her obsession with matching green stuff is getting worse too. Poor Spode's mum has been doing a lot of sewing for us...

All in all, my Spode is a happy one. And I just love all the attention I get at shows because of my size and my look. I feel like Gatsby himself. New money West Egger "warmblood" amongst all the East Egg show horses. People just seem to love me, most of all Spode of course.

As much as I enjoy dressage, I'm looking forward to a little break from it. We'll be doing some free work, hacking, and canter work so I can get some more variety. My next show is in 2 weeks so we don't have long, but I don't need to get in too much practice time either. My fourth show? It's pretty much old hat at this point! Last walk trot green bean classes for me--I'm nearly a professional!

Until later old sports.

Jay.