"There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice."--F. Scott Fitzgerald

All I got was hugs and treats today because Spode had a rough day.  I thought it would be a good opportunity to share another life story with you all other than my own. Old Sports, it's time to tell you about an old friend of Spode's.  I never met him, though it often feels like I have.  Some days it feels like he's standing in the barn with me. I know him because I know Spode, and in that sense he is present always: Zoodles. 

In the beginning, he was just a name to me (and a silly one at that).  I heard Spode talk about him to others but it was meaningless to me. Words with no connection.  I know better now, and Zoodles is a hero to me.  An inspiration and a mentor, even in his absence. 

Now that I know Spode, and now that I trust her because she trusts and loves me with her whole heart, I know that it is Zoodles who made her that way.  The hours I have spent with her just being together doing nothing is a pleasure for us both, and she loves it because Zoodles taught her the value of forming a bond that's all about mutual comfort.  Work and training is the second priority for Spode.  Her first priority is ensuring that I know nothing but the feeling of love and trust and happiness.  Spode is the first human I've connected to so much, and I couldn't be happier that I've landed with such a caring one.  The more I hear about Zoodles, from her lips and from others', I know that it is him I have to thank for her.

So what do I know about Zoodles? Not as much as I should but I'll make a list of what I've learned.

1. Zoodles was Spode's first horse and thus her first teacher. 

He was the one who taught her that horses are not about riding.  I know he pushed her around and got the better of her in the beginning, because she frequently tells me I'm doing better at something than Zoo did in the beginning of their relationship.  If I didn't know better, I might be haughty about such comments.  But I know what it really means: I am better at certain things because Zoo taught her that horse-human bonds are not made overnight.  Spode put in the time that she didn't always put in with Zoo in the beginning, and she doesn't ask more of me than what I can offer.  Regrets? Spode has them.  It's why she has never missed a day with me at the barn when it's at all possible (i.e. if she is not stranded at school). Thanks for giving me that attention, Zoodles.

2. Zoodles was a one person horse.  

Spode is always commenting that I'm much friendlier than Zoodles was.  But that's not really a compliment.  Zoodles was not very friendly in the beginning, from my understanding, and he was picky about his people. He could be a grump, but this just showed Spode the meaning of unconditional love. Spode is a one horse human, and she loved him because he was hers in the beginning.  We had a discussion about theme songs one day.  Because of my name, my theme song is "Will you still love me?" from the Gatsby movie.  I heard that Zoo's was "He's Not That Into You" in the beginning.  Zoo didn't love Spode until he learned to trust her and trusted that she wasn't leaving like the kids who used to leave him back when he was a school horse.  After that, the bond was solid and that's why he takes on such importance today. He loved Spode and was a different horse with her.  I'm not like that.  I think Spode misses it sometimes.  I love everyone (hence falling on my noggin).  But I tell her it's okay.  There's never the same love twice, and that's how it should be.

3. Zoodles and Spode were a team.

Shows are something Spode and I discuss often because she has goals in mind for me.  I know from these goals that she and Zoodles used to show dressage together.  They also did some hunter, some jumper, some showmanship, and some gaming too.  He made Spode an all rounder because he refused to do one thing for more than three days in a row, and she agrees that that's a good way to go about riding. I will not have a boring future because of his versatility, and I am happy.  Again, Spode learned that a bond was the most important thing, not the ribbon, so schooling is not something she wants to do everyday. The bond comes first.

4. Zoodles was bad at trailering.

I know this thanks to Spode's meltdown when she trailered me for the first time!  Her freakout was due to past fears with Zoo.  Unjustified, but it reflects on how much she loves both of us. The panic was because she was so scared that I would be hurt, a reflection of the same feelings she had for her Zoo.  I know she'll always be my protector thanks to the years spent with Zoo.

5. Zoodles had hoof problems.

Spode is obsessed with my hooves and my pasterns (and my knees, and my hocks, and my teeth, and my back, and.... everything).  When I got a splint, she commented that Zoo had one too, and didn't freak.  When I got a hock sore, she knew what to do.  She gets my hooves looked at often, and she's always feeling my legs and pasterns. Zoodles had ringbone, I know.  But I also know he had some fantastic years of retirement despite this and Spode never stopped seeing him and loving him.  I know I'm a forever horse too because of that past.  When Spode was deciding whether she wanted to buy me or not, I knew she was carrying hoof baggage based on how much concern she had about my angles and wanting the vet and farrier out. I know Zoodles' hooves are frequently on Spode's mind even now.  I trust that I will never have a hoof problem that goes ignored or is not attended to immediately.  Zoodles taught her to be meticulous and attentive.  I trust Spode entirely. Healthy hooves are a top priority for us.  I only hope that Spode and I won't have to go through the pain and worry that she went through with Zoodles at the end. 

6. Zoodles was fun.

I've only worn one hat--just a regular old baseball hat.  Zoo wore many.  He kissed Spode every time he saw her, which I've never done. He sucked on candy, and I don't even like candy.  He ate birthday cake, he let Spode tie ribbons in his air, he let Spode dress him up like a truck AND like a bride.  He had a whinny that melted Spode's heart because it was "so adorable".  They played games and he made Spode laugh even when she was crying, and even on their final day together.  

7. Zoodles was special.  
I can't do certain things because Zoo did them first.  I can't wear certain things that Zoodles wore.  I can't go certain places because they were Zoodles' places.  And that's okay.  He brought light into her life, and I am just a mirror for that light.  It's not that I am less important to her happiness, but the happiness he brought out of her is set in her core.  I can't hit that deep because the space is already filled. For good.  I just bring that deep happiness inside her to the surface again.  I cannot fill her because she is already full. I can only add to it. If she didn't have me for a mirror, that light would never shine.  Zoodles, I cannot thank you enough for teaching my human to love horses so much.  I thank you for teaching her to put my health and happiness first on her list of priorities and for teaching her that everything takes time and patience.  Thank you for teaching her to live in the moment with me and put her worries aside whenever she comes to see me.  Thank you for teaching her the importance of spending every minute you possibly can with the horses you love (and people too, I assume).  We're not on this earth forever.  We can only be there for our humans to hug for a short time.  Zoodles lives inside Spode's personality, but the memories can never be refreshed with new material.  We can only use those old memories to make meaningful new ones, which is how my relationship with Spode can be defined.  I know that the last thing Spode would want is for me to take Zoodles' place and replace his love.  That would only break her heart.  Instead my job is to keep building on the human being that she has become.  To continue in Zoo's hoofprints and make her a better person. My job is to continue lighting up her life and the lives of everyone around her because of what I do for her.  "There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice."--F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Zoodles has shown me what a great horse can do because I now have a great owner--I am indebted to him for my luck.  So this is for you, Zoodles.  The horse of the ages. You will forever be in our hearts. We love you. 

Rest in peace, Old Sport.  

Jay.